Cynical Twitch
Friday, June 24, 2005
Thoughts of a Girl Who Is Scared and Lost
The news about me being depressed spread like fire. I was in shocked knowing my brother Skewer and my friend Cj had the knowledge of my depression. Hmmmm...I could smell the stinking odor of the culprit! you know who you are and I ain't mad at yah for squealin'...hehehe ( see you at abellana if you know whats good for yah...heheh). okay! you might be wondering why I am lost...and I failed to mentioned that I'm also scared. It's not because of supernatural entities, ghouls and poltergeist...I'm scared of myself. Appalling? yes! I was in a daze for a couple of weeks thinking about it. My brain was functioning like clockwork left and right. What saddens me is that I was too pessimistic about everything. Everyday, I wake up thinking that I would never live to see the light again...figuratively speaking. Everytime i step into the hollow portals of my alma mater, I get scared shitless! scared in the sense of what I am capable of. I know I committed errors in the past and it frightens me that I might undo the whole darn thing. My brother said that this might be a good thing because of the need for me to graduate. I finally got a direction and it seems that it felt like none.
I had this stupid notion that I might get the answers right away but, it didn't. Answers don't just come at your door step instructing the right thing to do. Right now, I'm doing good in school, got good grades from exams, doing extra credits and teachers trust me enough to handle a class. So, how come I couldn't get any satisfaction from it? I mean for other people, its a big achievement but me??!! I just gave it a shrug. In time, I will surely find out what is missing...as for now, I'm still searching for the answers. But one things for sure, I need to prioritize school and the need for me to graduate. I had my chance though...I just let it slip through my grimey hands...
To the people that help me in any way; To my brother Skewer, I don't know what my life would be if you weren't not there...I could have been lost forever...thank you! love you lots! My friends the Pink Posse, your presence alone was of great help. Hope all of you will still stand by me whatever the circumstance...thanks guys. To the person who I hurt so badly...sorry for what I did. Though we are not in speaking terms, I still thank you for being the brother that I need. As for myself, I'll just cross my fingers. I'll never supress this feeling again. A lesson learn... PEACE!
Posted by Nefarious One ::
4:51 PM ::
3 comments
Pump it up...
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